RealTouch

What can one say about Portland?

A hub of the great Pacific Northwest, it’s the biggest city in Oregon – a state which once had billboards at their southern border asking northbound travelers on Interstate 5 not to “Californicate Our State”. Portland has been called “Beervana”, renown for its large number of microbreweries and microdistilleries, not to mention its penchant for caffeination.

But for a coin toss between the eastern bred founding fathers in the mid-1800’s, it could have been known as Boston, Oregon rather than being named after Portland, Maine, a fate which would have required silly accents and a distant yet resolute loathing of the New York Yankees.

As a well known as a hub of American DIY (do it yourself) culture and a Chinese restaurant called Hung Far Low, can it be any surprise that the City of Roses is home to the annual – yes, they do this on a regular basis – Portland Masturbate-a-thon, a hands-on event dedicated to the glory of being one with oneself.

Featured at this year’s rub-a-dub was RealTouch, the most sophisticated personal pleasure device ever specifically created for men. Wax-on, wax-off instigator Theresa Reed, a sexpert and writer better known as Darklady, says that RealTouch was a traffic-stopper as quality sex toys for men are rare.

“Everyone seemed to stop and ponder the RealTouch. Several things caught people’s attention immediately: the size of the RealTouch, of course, and it’s attractive, sturdy, non-“sex toy” look. Everyone was fascinated and wanted to see it in action. Much discussion took place about possible case color alternatives, including a clear plastic case that would allow users and voyeurs to see the machine at work.”

One device was scooped up in a silent auction by a lad named William who described his experiences with the high tech pleasure device as feeling “great” and that he was “impressed by the sheer number of sensations” it can produce. Engaged with the real time sensations that he watched in the videos, he gave what he calls the “swirly blowjob” high marks.

Portland may have been built on top of an extinct Plio-Pleistocene volcanic field known as the Boring Lava Field but we say there’s nothing humdrum about this burg. That’s why it’s our RealTouch City of the Month.